Anyway, let us press on with firm stride and clenched buttock into that most fearsome of concepts - the point. Fear not, no heavy-handed serious topics this week; instead I present you with a new topic deserving of my (and, by extension, your) ire.
English is a colourful and powerful language, and it's not that hard to master. Sure, there are an arseload of often-contradictory rules and bizarre rules of grammar and spelling, but come on. You've been speaking the damn language your entire life; at what point did you, instead of going shopping, decide to go for a big shop? Where were you planning on keeping it, in the back shed? How were you going to get it home?
Irregardless is not a word. I'm sorry, it isn't! Regardless is a word. It means, well, regardless. It means what you people are using irregardless to mean. You're adding a bloody syllable to a word and using it to mean exactly what the current word means. That's like lazy in the opposite direction. Note my precision; it is not, not not not not not, the opposite of lazy. The opposite of lazy is efficient, productive, active. This is inefficient, unproductive and that most heinous of sins, a waste of time. And best of all it involves doing more work!
The word "turret" does not have an n. "Torrent" has an n. "Turret" does not. The two words mean completely unrelated things. Yes, I am aware that a person with at least half a functioning brain will be able to cope with the incorrect use of these words by figuring out the context, but why should I have to do extra work thanks to someone else's ignorance?
You cannot "orientate" yourself. You can "orient" yourself, by working out which way is east. That's where the word comes from - by knowing which way the orient is, you know which way east is and are therefore able to navigate. Equally, you can only be disoriented, not disorientated. This is just part of that horrible habit people have of adding extra letters to the ends of words in order to make themselves seem more knowledgeable.
There. Is. No. Fucking. U. In. Mnemonic. This really isn't difficult. The m at the start is silent and you just say the rest as it's spelt. Neh-mo-nik. Somehow it's become acceptable to say new-mo-nik; one of my university lecturers dropped that one on me the other day. Seriously, fucking stop it.
Here ends instalment one of a possibly infinite series.